I’M RIGHT HERE

I’m sure that in a philosophical conversation good Muslims will tell you there are redeeming features to Ramadan. But on a daily basis I suspect most of the people around me think Ramadan is a pain in the butt. It’s a month of hungry, crabby, under-caffeinated and under-nicotined grumpiness. And I’m lucky that both of the Ramadans of my service are winter ones, with short and cool days. I can’t even imagine a summer Ramadan.

One of the ways in which Ramadan complicates my life is transportation. Everybody gets fed up with life in the middle of the afternoon and starts closing up shop so they can grump along home and get ready for dinner as soon as the sun sets. Buses stop running at some nebulous time in there too. Some buses will resume trips for a couple of hours after sunset, when everybody feels human again, but even that seems to be at the whim of the bus owner and not entirely predictable. There’s no way to get anywhere if you’re trying to do it during iftar — or the key hours before and after it.

A secondary effect of this bus shortage is that it actually gets harder to get on a bus, even when they’re running. The drivers don’t love the fares they lose with the shortened days, and the best way to make fares up is to cram as many people as possible into every busload. Technically, standing on buses is illegal, but I’ve never actually seen a bus driver cited for letting people do it, and during Ramadan the practice is rampant. And because this involves cramming as many people as possible into a finite amount of space, it has a direct effect on women. Normally, if a woman has been waiting for a while, the bus driver or some other courteous man will help make sure she gets a seat in the scrum for bus real estate. But during Ramadan, a woman’s personal space means wasted inches. During Ramadan, bus after bus comes and crowd after crowd of men stampedes onto it and the few miserable women who have the crazy notion of wanting to get anywhere get more and more frustrated.

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The Howling

One of the puzzles of my life in Namus is the family’s relationship to the master bedroom. It was mine during training, because the terms of the family’s contract with our organization demanded that I have my own room. But it was “mine” only partially; I slept there alone, and I had an end table and a wardrobe all to myself, but the other end table and two more wardrobes were still in use by the family. So I could wake up any given morning to a line of girls busily arguing over who got to wear which ishaar to school that day.

During training, I felt a little bad about having so much space when I was just one person. But after training, I noticed something weird: nobody sleeps in the guest bedroom on a usual basis. The kids all pile into the only other bedroom, and by “pile” I do mean mostly literally. The bigger kids will pull farsha mats out from under the beds and sprawl out on the floor, and the little kids just pile up like puppies on one of the twin beds. The other twin bed is for their unmarried aunt Noor. Usually, at least one or two people will sleep in the living room or sitting room. When it’s especially hot, the boys will move their mats upstairs and sleep on the roof. In general, everyone just seems to fall asleep wherever they are at bedtime. The only time the master bedroom is used is when Abu Shakur comes back from wherever it is he works… and then they close the door.

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The Best Ride Home

I’ve scored the perfect situation on the bus. I got the window seat, so I don’t get brushed by everybody else as the bus fills up. And it’s not the window seat over the wheel well, which requires sitting in an extremely unladylike position because of its lack of legroom. Better yet, the outside seat has been taken already. In theory, women fill up the seats next to or near each other on the buses to help avoid the awkwardness of an unacquainted man and woman having to sit next to each other. (Some men will also avoid sitting next to a woman they don’t know, even if it’s the only seat left on the bus — and here, that’s the nice and respectful thing to do.) But sometimes if the empty seat is next to me, women who don’t know me well will opt to sit elsewhere.  You never know.

High Contrast/Wikimedia
High Contrast/Wikimedia

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Adventures in Taxis: 1

Late October, 2000

The taxi is clean and neat. On the dashboard is taped a bright, multi-colored card with decorative Arabic writing. I recognize the phrase “God is great” repeated several times. From the rear-view mirror hangs a sturdy black set of Muslim prayer-beads. And I notice something else: the taxi driver looks at me in the rear view mirror every few seconds. I ignore him, having learned my lesson a long time ago. Chatty taxi drivers can get awkward. As the taxi speeds east, the little grey-haired man grips the steering wheel tighter and looks at me more frequently. Finally he can help himself no more. “Are you American or British?” he asks.

The recent political situation would indicate that lying is in order – Americans are extremely unpopular just now. But I’m tired of lying. I lie about everything and this man looks harmless. “American,” I say, cautiously, and am relieved when he nods and says, “Welcome to Jordan.”

High Contrast/Wikimedia Commons

But then he takes a deep breath. “I am a Palestinian,” he says, and pauses slightly. Palestinians in particular aren’t very fond of Americans just now. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say. Fortunately, nothing is expected of me. The man continues. “In 1948, when the Jews took our land, I was eight years old.”

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The Tea Ladies

I’m feeling moderately better by the time I hear Abu Aiman’s truck puttering outside my window Sunday morning. He waits a polite ten seconds before honking to let me know he’s there. If I don’t appear within 30 seconds after that, he’ll leave me behind and let me find my own way to work. But today I’m ready and drag myself out of my house, through the garden, and out of the compound to squeeze myself into the back of the extended cab with three other teachers.

This driving service seemed ludicrous when we all taught at Dir Edis’s old girls’ school, which is two blocks from my house. I had been pressured into agreeing to let Abu Aiman drive me by my colleagues, who were horrified at the concept that I might walk to work unescorted. Now that I’m a bit more jaded about the shocking notion of a woman walking, and a bit more familiar with the weather, I might not agree if I had it to do over.

But now that we’re all at the new girls’ school at the very base of Dir Edis’s hill, I’m very glad to have Abu Aiman. Especially this morning, when I’m still not entirely sure I’m not going to pass out. I spent most of last night slumped sweatily on the couch, watching programs in at least two languages I don’t speak and not even caring, trying to force myself to drink the noxious rehydration punch I’d made out of my medical supplies. Yesterday morning I barely remember. There was the tail end of the overnight vomiting, and I think I spent some time in bed, and some time just lying on the floor praying for a breeze. It was not my best weekend.

Joe Foodie/Wikimedia Commons
Joe Foodie/Wikimedia Commons

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What Enas Told Me, Much Later

Saturday, August 7, 1999

Of all the times for the foreigner to arrive, she picked the absolute worst. I mean, I wasn’t going to do anything too fancy, but my house is always clean and it was a bit flustering to have her show up just at that moment.

It’s Saturday, and on Saturdays the city water is unlimited for a few hours, so we rush to fill our water tank and buckets. My sister Asra and I had just dumped gallons of water on the floor and Asra was pouring out cleaner and sweeping it into suds with a broom. We were both wearing t-shirts, and we had tied our hair back in old bandanas and rolled our pant legs up nearly to the knee, so when the foreigner showed up I had to run into the back room and cover my head and my legs. Then we both stood there awkwardly, shyly too but mostly awkwardly, while the suds faded away and the foreigner’s (male) driver carried her suitcases back into my parents’ big bedroom.

And how much stuff it was! I mean, one person, and she had two huge bags and a giant backpack. My sisters and I share clothes if we’re roughly the same sizes, but I don’t think all put together we own that much clothing. Never mind how bulky the big green duffle bag was to move around when I was trying to wash under it. I guess I’ll just have to let the spot it occupies collect dust for the next three months, or I’ll get one of my brothers to help me, because it’s huge. I wonder what she could possibly have in there and if it’s very expensive or maybe it’s Versace.

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Asya’s Laughter

The wedding party is more or less over by the time I arrive with my friend Um Jihad. She had to be late, because she’s still in mourning for her father who died two months ago, and the singing and clapping would be a violation of her mourning. So the singing and clapping are over, and only a few exhausted close family members are seated around Um Rafiq’s living room when we enter. The lady of the moment, Um Rafiq’s daughter Asya, has stepped out for a change of clothes and a freshening of hair and makeup, and everybody is enjoying the quiet moment with a cup of minty tea.

They are, of course, thrilled to see us, leaping up and shaking our hands profusely. Um Rafiq’s sister kisses me repeatedly. Finally we all settle down into our plastic chairs, staring at each other or nothing at all, and wait for Asya to reenter.

Finally Asya strolls in, eyes watering from an over-vigorous hair-brushing. She shakes my hand first and says, “Never get married; the hairspray will kill you.” She laughs uproariously as she sits beside me and crosses her legs under her black abaaya. The women in the room congratulate her on her gold and remark on the artistry of the henna applied to her hands. In fact, the henna is very simple and looks as though it were perhaps applied by a small child. It’s an arrow-pierced heart with R and A written inside it – Asya’s husband being named Rami.

Wolfgang Sauber/Wikimedia
Wolfgang Sauber/Wikimedia

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Gold bracelets: Part 1

One day, Um Shakur asked if anybody wanted to join her going in to Madaba, the nearest city. With my limited language skills, I rarely understood the purpose of her errands. Sometimes it seemed like she was going to Madaba just to buy things readily available in the tiny dukan down the street from her house. Sometimes she visited people whose relationship to her family I couldn’t quite place. Sometimes it was literally just a drive around with no stops at all. Like many aspects of my life in Jordan, it was usually a mystery.

But it was probably going to be more exciting than hanging out with nine bored kids and various cousins, so I said yes. And then I had an idea: I’d realized after arriving in Namus that I was very nearly out of money, and Um Shakur would be driving right past my bank. I asked her if we could stop so I could make a withdrawal.

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On haggling

I am not a haggler. I’ve been lectured by traveling companions, so I know all the arguments:  they expect it, the prices are deliberately inflated, if you don’t do it the next tourist will get even more ripped off.  I know, I know — but I still get terrible fluttery feelings in my stomach when I have to do it, and I know I’m terrible at it.  My poker face and nonchalant shrug need work.

It is with a resigned feeling of apprehension, then, that I find myself in the small-appliances dukan looking for a laundry rack.  It has been a long day of shopping occasioned by my move to a new home, and a helpful fellow volunteer and I are laden down with odd purchases like bulky blankets and a mattress.  Clearly not tourists, in other words, or so you’d think.  So when we rouse the little old man from his contemplative reverie at the front of his store, we are prepared for the odd glance he gives us.

“Welcome,” he says, in English.

Souq@Sana'a

“Salaam,” I answer.  Then I point to the laundry rack in question and say, in Arabic, “How much is this one?”

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My suitor

It didn’t seem like much when I came into my kitchen that morning. Just a folded piece of paper on the counter under the window, near my keys and some other things I had dropped when I came in last night.

But I didn’t remember what was on this piece of paper, and I didn’t want to forget something I’d promised to do. Or miss a sweet note from one of the girls. Even girls who weren’t my students would occasionally bring me a sadly drooping flower and a folded note swearing undying love for me. I didn’t have as many of these tributes as other teachers, of course, but I enjoyed the Victorian Era teacher-worship now and then.

So I unfolded this piece of paper, expecting it to be covered in teenagery hearts or shiny stickers. Instead, I found a page of careful, tight writing, in English, in a handwriting I didn’t recognize.

I am sorry to write to you but I must meet you. I see you when you walk in Dir Edis and when you wait for the bus and I admire you very much. Please meet me in Irbid. Here is my phone number.

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